yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
