I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
