pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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