if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
