Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like death gave me a hand job
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
