All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
