so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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