I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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