He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
