Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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