do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
