sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
