Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
