Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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