I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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