i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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