Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
