508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
