based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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