i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
