Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Randomize
