Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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