I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
