my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
