So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
