My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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