Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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