you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
