someone get that fucking seahorse.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
