if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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