dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
