Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
