i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
