Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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