Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
