I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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