I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The best revenge is premature balding
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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