Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
