I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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