Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
What drink are we having for lunch?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
