My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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