The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
