Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
