using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
