I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
