when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
