You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
