just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm too high and old for this...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
