I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
