A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
