This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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